The I in Evil by Ken W. Hanley

Author:Ken W. Hanley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse
Published: 2015-10-05T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter VI

The Other Drinking Problem

What do you give to someone who has it all? Now what do you give to someone who not only has it all, but can also fly, turn into animals, and fuck women while levitating? While some people may say that time or love or some other hippie bullshit is the key to happiness, this author is a realist, and when it comes to writing self-help for monsters, honesty is the best policy. And for someone who has it all (plus supernatural enhancements), the one thing that you can give them is the one thing they’ve probably wanted all along: normalcy.

If you think about it, there are absolutely reasonable and normal desires in the cold, lifeless heart of a vampire. Feeding off humans to satiate their eternal, ferocious bloodlust? Vamp’s gotta eat. Killing their way to London in order to seduce the doppelganger of their ex-wife? Vamp’s gotta love. Stealing an amulet with the blood of Christ in order to fulfill an apocalyptic prophecy and bring forth an era ruled by vampires? Vamp’s gotta party.

Now, I know that when most people think of vampires, the first thing that comes to mind is the elegant, unorthodox lifestyles in which they inhabit. People think of imposing, enormous castles, perpetually surrounded by a thick fog, populated by myriad bats, wolves, and potentially large spiders. People think of sprawling silk capes, refined tastes in fashion, poetic self-presentation, and the courtesy of mutual respect between the hunter and hunted. Some people think these misunderstood creatures are driven to do monstrous deeds by a cruel fate, tragedy, and darkness (which, coincidentally, was also my father’s legal defense) and believe vampires to be more deserving of our sympathy than our ire.

Other people find vampires to be something far more sinister altogether, seeing past their melodramatic visage to see the creatures from Hell that they arguably are. These people think of sharp fangs sinking into screaming women as their blood is drained from one vessel to another. These people think of animals with glowing eyes, moving around undetected among the living as they find their nightly prey. They see the indescribable beast that vampires turn into when dry of blood and desperate enough that they’ll rip a newborn from the clutches of its mother. They mentally paint the picture of the monstrous side of vampires, which, while not entirely untrue, is at least exaggerated for an effect.

Meanwhile, some people see vampires in a much more modern light, showing them as one of the few creatures on earth who has adapted to every environment. These people think of the artist mentality of vampires, mingling among secret societies with other vampires and their familiars like creepy, billion-year-old Andy Warhols. Others see them as chameleons, able to blend into the shadows of any town or village with no regards to their looks or living situation, as long as there is an access to their food source. And then others see them as sexually-driven perverts, fucking and sucking

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